i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
