So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
