is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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