I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
