Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my liver is dry heaving
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
