do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
