11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
