Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
