I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Randomize
