I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
