as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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