he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i think i just lost a toe
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
