Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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