i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
