dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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