Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
