Sacagawea was the original milf.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
