Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
