i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
