I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
