Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
