Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
