if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
