The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
