I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
