Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
