Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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