I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
