I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
