i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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