Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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