My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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