He uses pillows to masturbate.
two words: eviction party
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
