You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
