He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
that may or may not have been my penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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