He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
