So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
