Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
