Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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