I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
