You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
