ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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