This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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