I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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