Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
