Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
