We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
