the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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