ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
