is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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