My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
