If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
