I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
